And That's Why You're Single

Posted: 02 May 2014 06:47 AM PDT

Don’t Fall Prey to The Online Dating Serial Dater

Posted: 02 May 2014 05:33 AM PDT

Alias (DO NOT USE A REAL NAME!!): AK
:
Comment: Hello! I’m 35. I met a 26 year old woman online. In her profile she stated that she is very independent and that she is looking for something “easy and fun” that can lead to something serious with an intelligent and caring man. The first date went great, we made out and she asked me to call her. The second date was even better, we had dinner and about two hours of sex. Then we had kind of a dull third date and then a great fourth, we went to the opera, had dinner but she said we couldn’t have sex because of the time of the month. The confusing part is that she takes days to answer one of my texts and I usually have to book with her a week or more in advance. Today is friday and haven’t heard from her since sunday, when we were supposed to meet for lunch but she cancelled because she had run a marathon the day before and felt horrible. She said we could rescheduled during the week. I said no problem and texted her on monday saying my week would be a little busy but would be free on thursday or saturday. No response. I texted her thursday saying I still wanted to see her on saturday if she was available. No response yet. I’m not sure if she’s trying to disappear or wants me to take a hint or I’m just imagining things. Any ideas?
Age: 35
City: Eau Claire
State: WI

When a man or woman states in their profile that they’re looking for something “easy and fun” what they’re saying is that they aren’t looking for anything serious. The part about it all potentially leading to something more meaningful is just to keep the door open, so to speak, so that people won’t assume they’re just looking for dates or free meals or sex.

The word “independent” is another bad buzz word that men and women should heed. It means, “I do what I want and am not looking to be tied down” or “I don’t need you.” People’s word choices when they write their profiles can be very telling. Often times don’t even realize what they’re revealing about themselves and their experience on the site with the words that they use to describe themselves or their lifestyles. Other admissions/clues to watch out for:

I have a very busy career/work a lot
I have a crazy schedule
Looking to take it slow
Looking to see what is out there
New in town
Looking to meet someone who takes care of themselves
Not looking for drama/to hook-up
Not looking for a pen pal
Back here again/Giving this another shot
No mention of friends
I’m skeptical of online dating

Seriously, just skip people with these phrases in your profile. It will save you a lot of grief.

You, my friend, got suckered. If, after that fourth date, you didn’t go home with her and hook-up in some way, then she wasn’t interested in you in the first place. She just wanted to go to the opera and have dinner. Period or not, if I’m into a guy, we’re doing other stuff unless I don’t feel well. If she was okay to go to eat and see the opera, then I’m guessing she felt just fine. I can’t tell if you had sex on the third date. If you didn’t, then the staggered sex should have been your first clue that this woman wasn’t interested. She could have just thrown you a bone by sleeping with you once to keep the dates coming. It’s also possible that the sex for her wasn’t all that great and so she didn’t want to pursue things further. Though, if that were the case, she really shouldn’t have accepted any more dates. If you had sex twice, then she had a pretty good idea of how sexually compatible you two were or could be, which means she should have turned down the fourth date.

Taking several days to respond to a text is absolute nonsense, as is needing to book her a week or more in advance. Sorry, but there’s no excuse for that. Like I’ve said before, a lag time longer than 12-24 hours is a bad sign. and indicates a very modest level of interest. She cancelled the Sunday date because, if you ask me and you are, she’s done.

I would move on from this one. She’s not terribly interested in you and is likely just looking for meals and cool dates to talk about on Facebook.

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Friday, May 2, 2014