And That's Why You're Single |
| Just Because You Had Sex With Them Doesn’t Mean They Owe You Anything Posted: 25 May 2014 09:04 AM PDT Alias (DO NOT USE A REAL NAME!!): CH Comment: I met a marine off this website called Plenty of Fish. We texted for a couple of weeks and then met in person. We connected very well so i thought. The mistake i made on my end is i slept with him that night. What confuses me is that he texted me the next morning and night. After that i haven’t heard from him. Was i just a one night stand or what? if he just wanted sex, why text me the next day? I don’t understand. What is so huge about him texting you the next day? It’s not like he bought you an island. He just pressed a few buttons on his phone. This is not the grand gesture that many women often make it out to be. He sent you a message the next day either to reply to the message you sent and be polite or because he was bored or because he wanted to invest a little time in maintaining the connection should he want seconds. People aren’t typically inclined to reveal what it is exactly that they want in these situations. That usually doesn’t help us get what we want. Therefore, we we say nothing. As we discussed in a post last week, unless they explicitly promise us something more before we sleep with them, they don’t really owe us anything. People can pretend that the act of sex is akin to signing some kind of contract if that makes them feel better. And they can choose to believe they were deceived if they prefer to play the victim. But we’re all adults. Sex is not in any way a binding contract that affords us various rights. Sleeping with someone casually and without commitment does not mean that that person owes you any kind of explanation as to why you never heard from them again. If that’s the level of expectation you place on casual sex, you’re in the wrong game. And FYI…any sex outside of committed sex constitutes casual sex in my book. So all you, “Oh, I don’t do that” folks need to get over yourselves. Casual sex means no expectations. Like, none, other than maybe an orgasm. And even that isn’t a given. This is a brutal message for some, but once it’s learned, it alleviates the grand majority of complications and confusions that come from uncommitted couplings. Oh, so you want to approach the person who never called after sex and let them know how that hurt your feelings so you can reclaim control and glue your self-worth back together? Okay. Maybe they’ll express regret for being casually callous. Maybe they’re shrug their shoulders and say, “Alrighty.” Or maybe they’ll send the dreaded, “K” in response to your text take-down. It’s highly unlikely they will adjust their behavior.People rarely change unless their quality of life or survival requires it. Here’s the thing: if you have to tell someone that what they did hurt you, then that’s a really good sign they don’t really care about your feelings. Not they they should in situations like this because it’s expected that both parties are responsible and accountable for their feelings and needs in these situations. If you need a text the next day to make you feel less “slutty” then you probably shouldn’t be having casual sex. If you need someone to feign interest for a time so you can continue to believe that they felt what you felt, then casual sex isn’t for you. These are things you need to discern and decide for yourself before you have sex. After a certain age or level of experience, it’s not up to other people to walk you through this. We are adults. Sex is a thing. A good thing. A fun thing. A wonderful thing. It serves many purposes and has many levels of intimacy. You can’t assume that all sexual experiences fall under the same category and therefore merit the same reaction and responses.
  
One on One Dating Profile ReviewGet a 45 minute one on one review of your profile with me. I'll go over your picture selection and ad text and let you know if your profile includes any buzz words or red flags. I'll also help you tweak/write your profile if it needs some freshening up. $45 – INCLUDES:
$45 (Use code BLOG to save $10)
Let Me Write Your Profile For You$75 – INCLUDES:
$75 (Use code BLOG to save $10)
|
| You are subscribed to email updates from And That's Why You're Single® To stop receiving these emails, you may unsubscribe now. | Email delivery powered by Google |
| Google Inc., 20 West Kinzie, Chicago IL USA 60610 | |
No comments:
Post a Comment